Today I was on the phone with a black woman clinician at the VA. We were supposed to be on video but lost connection. I wasn’t aware she was black until I expressed to her why I don’t go into the VA anymore when I am in distress.
I expressed that I’ve learned to tolerate the pain because that’s how they perceive me, as a strong black woman with thick skin and that has a lot more to do with medical racism than being complimented. In some ways I feel it forces me to learn to do for self and in other ways it scares me if I don’t know what I’m doing.
She then expresses how she’s a black woman and totally understands my point of view and took a moment to validate how I was a feeling. This interaction calmed me gradually as we talked about my resources and how she will advocate for my preferences to be seen out in the community because she is booked 3 months out, and I need to be seen sooner.
It’s been a tough few days being on antibiotics and having so much pain in my body it’s hard to reach the sun. I want the moon. I need the ocean. I must allow myself the space to find healing in nature and not just western medicine. I will always advocate for the parts of me that are willing to integrate into the heart of who I am becoming today.
Grace Rickisha Joyce, Grace
Rejoice they are free
Free your spirit
Let you be.
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